RECOVERY OF AN OFFERTORY IN ATROPHY

The CFC reminds us all of the earnest desires of the Mother Church that all the faithful be led to that full, conscious and active participation in liturgical celebrations…. [CFC 1514] When this was discussed in the class, I was prompted to recollect on my ways when participating in any liturgical celebration or religious activities. Admittedly, I am one of those nominal Catholics who receive the sacrament and participate in the church tradition without fully understanding it. I am a product of a Catholic school but it seems to me that I did not earn the education they tried to instill in me. I used to be the church goer who sits outside the church and listens to the Homily for a reflection required in our religion subject. I was once a lector when I was in High School who reads the Readings in a hurry mode. I sing with the choir to just be with them. These are the ways I never realize made my attendance void in its effect. Now that I am in the seminary, as a future minister of the sacraments, if God wills it, I want to see myself leading the faithful to that full, conscious and active participation in al liturgical celebrations. With this end in my mind, I started to fix how I conduct myself in celebrating the Eucharist. I shifted now my attention to the very details of every prayers, readings and gestures in the mass. I make it sure that my responses would be soulful, aloud and coming from my heart equipped with due understanding of the celebration. As a result, my love in the Eucharist starts to bloom. I am wanting more of it now than before. My prayer life has also changed significantly. With inevitable struggles, I try to pray spontaneously without being conscious of the time, place and environment. Most of the time, the mechanical nature of seminary schedule poses an obstructive contradiction between obedience and spiritual maturity. I am thankful then that I was once reminded of what I should be doing in the seminary, of what is expected of us in our future ministry and the challenges we are going to face ahead of us.

OF FAITHFUL OBEDIENCE

OF FAITHFUL OBEDIENCE

            It is a common thinking that to become ordained priest one must submit himself to a stringent seminary formation. Those who have endured that ten long years of formation will attest that faith and obedience are keys to their victory. Having stayed in the seminary for almost a year now, I have witnessed some great contradictions of pronounced comical ambiguity but of great value.

            I find it quite unreasonable to study when I am not in the mood of studying. It is a waste of time, so to speak. No matter how hard I try, nothing enters in my mind. It is understandable then that one must find his own time and space to study effectively. However, in the seminary, we are required to study in a specific study area in a specific period of time whether we are in the frame of mind to study or not. Moved by my faith, I obey. I would browse my notes many times to obtain even a meager understanding of our lesson. I would keep on reading in many iteration the same passage of our reference book, so that little by little I would be able to memorize a thing. No matter how unreasonable it has become, I still obey with hope in mind that something good will happen – that my faith will lead me to a greater appreciation of learning as an integral part of my seminary life and that my obedience will lead me to developing not only academic excellence but also my capacity to face intelligently whatever circumstance I may encounter in my future ministry.

            I find it quite unreasonable to say a prayer when I am not yet composed within me. I feel worthless whenever I say a prayer without understanding even a single word in the prayer I just said. It is logical to think then that a conducive place and time are necessities for someone like me to be able to enter into an intimate moment with God. Nonetheless, in the seminary, prayer time is schedule at a specific time in a specific venue. Moved by my faith, I obey. Even with improper disposition, I would push myself to pray when the prayer leader uttered his spiel. At times, I would find myself in the midst of my craziest imagination while praying, though I would drive myself back to my prayer. No matter how unreasonable it has become, I still obey with hope in mind that something good will happen – that my faith will lead me to an greater realization that human existence cannot find its fulfillment apart from its religious dimension and that my obedience will awaken me and develop in me a sense of sacred in life so that I could be of good Christian and be able to crystallize my decision to follow Christ in my future ministry.

            It is quite unreasonable to attend to a pastoral exposure activity when my body and mind, my whole being, is not really into it. It is weird that I will have to go back to the seminary at an earlier time for the scheduled pastoral activity during our home visit. I feel it dull going to the venue without having even the right motivation to start the flow. Moved by my faith, I obey. I would pack my bag sluggishly and wait patiently for the commuter bus to arrive for a trip back to the seminary. With gloomy appearance, I would trigger some chitchatting with the participants to start some conversations. No matter how unreasonable it has become, I still obey with hope in mind that something good will happen – that my faith will strengthen me in discovering the meaning of service to others and that my obedience will help me face the demand of service in my future ministry.

            My parish priest once reminded me of this before entering into the seminary: “Remain obedient to your formators or to anyone superior to you no matter how unreasonable they are, no matter how illogical they may become. For you cannot underestimate their wisdom.”  No matter how unreasonable things may be in the seminary, moved by my faith, I will always obey.

CHRISTIAN UNITY AMIDST RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY

CHRISTIAN UNITY AMIDST RELIGIOUS DIVERSITY

            My entrance to the seminary delighted me so much that my wanting to know more about the faith I profess will be finally satisfied. Admittedly, I am one of those nominal Catholics who receive the sacrament and participate in the church tradition without fully understanding it; hence, a faith in atrophy. Taking a glance at the curriculum, I noticed some courses on different philosophies and religions. I was troubled for I thought we will only deal with the philosophies of Christian religion, per se. I cannot do anything but enroll the subjects required in the curriculum.

            The Philosophy of Religion opened up my mind to widen my perspective. To give a room for understanding other religion. As Hegel puts it: Philosophy of Religion is not the study of a particular Religion but a study of the Religions of all times and places. We have not discussed so much about other religions yet, but the thought that we are going to study other religions give me that extra chill. I did not expect that the curiosity about other religion which I kept inside of me for a long time will be given a bit of light in this discourse. I, for myself, has a best buddy who is an Evangelical Christian, who actually inspired me to get serious in knowing my own faith because of his admirable Christian way of life. I did not entertain though of transferring to their religion for the sake of knowing what makes him live like that. Looking back, I used to attend a protestant bible study when I was 8 years old. My brother scolded me when he learned about it and I was stopped to attend any session. Now, I am looking forward to having some discussion with other religions for a few reasons I perceived to be blameless. For one, knowing the belief system of other religions will enlighten me in understanding their belief which I can use in some religious dialogues in my future ministry, or even in some apostolate while in the seminary. Secondly, knowing their belief system can highlight our belief leading towards appreciating its growth within me. Thirdly, there will be truths in their religion which I can use in deepening my own faith and appreciating it all the more. Fourthly, knowing the essentials of other religion will give me an opportunity to convert some of them to Catholicism in a Christian dialogue. Lastly, not winning them over to Catholicism, it will give me an opportunity to maintain a respectable inter-religious affinity with them.

            My seminary life is somehow mechanical. Everything is done almost repeatedly. My class in Philosophy of Religion give me that craving for a non-monotonous learning which invigorate my desire to learn more of my own religion.

THE FACT OF A REASONABLE FICTITIOUS FAITH

THE FACT OF A REASONABLE FICTITIOUS FAITH

            One of the many reasons why I entered in the seminary was to get acquainted with the doctrine of the faith I believe in and hoped that it will deepen eventually. It is quite contradictory that I believe in something I do not really understand; that is something to be grasped at. I used to be a passive learner when it comes to knowing my belief, I would admit. I hated encounters with someone questioning my faith for I did not really have that familiarity concerning my faith and the guts to explain the details of it. When I was studying in a state university for my bachelor’s degree, my faith was a bit shaken up by an ex-seminarian professor in a Philosophy class. I started to use my reason to explain things, becoming reasonable in everything I do and lived a fictitious life for quite a while. Indeed, reason when misused could lead us to fiction. I lived a life of a make-believe. A life where everything is made-believe to be true, satisfying, meaningful and everlasting. Although, I managed to recover to a factual life – full of truth, filled with satisfaction, contained with meaning, and infinitely boundless.

I am enjoying my studies in the seminary for I am able to grasp even a little of the basic of my Catholic belief. Little by little, the truth about the faith I am believing in is bared to me more clearly – something I aspire for. I sometimes feel I am ready for an exchange of conversation with regard to questioning my own faith. However, there were times that my being rational is not convinced on the mysteries contained in my Catholic faith like the cases of transubstantiation, the Trinity, the humanity and divinity of Jesus Christ, and His incarnation and resurrection to name a few. Instead of defending my faith and making it firm, doubt would sometimes move stealthily in my mind. But this time, when my reason seem to challenge my faith, I remain still with my faith. When I cannot understand a thing, then I tweak my thinking. When my being reasonable tempts me, I submit myself to the working of the Holy Spirit. Through the help of God, I am resolved at resigning my poor understanding to the immensity of the greatest mysteries concerning my faith. Yes, my faith is fictitious for it is a thing of a make-believe but by God. Yes, it is reasonable fictitious, too, for I only have a little understanding of a vast knowledge of Him. And the fact is…God entrusted me only a partial of a big revelation which I cannot fully grasp with my little understanding. My only prayer is that if my intelligence will not lead me to knowing, loving and serving my God, I would rather remain ignorant of everything except in knowing that He is my loving and merciful God and that I am His poor and pitiful adopted son.